Thinking Of You
by KlainesBowties
Summary: Darren is madly in love with Chris, he thinks he has it all hidden, but he doesn't. Chris doesn't think to do anything about it, because of his boyfriend, Max. Though when Darren kisses Chris in Dublin, Chris can't stop thinking of Darren. Eventual Crisscolfer. Rated M for swearing and possible smut.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: New Crisscolfer fanfiction! Hope you enjoy and I hope doesn't take this one down... **

**I don't own any of these characters...**

**But I wouldn't mind owning Chris Colfer... **

* * *

"Kurt, you had me at em…" Darren's lips crashed into Chris' in one hot, passionate second. Chris' first reaction was to grab on and keep kissing but he couldn't, not with what now felt like millions of people watching him. His hands flew up, trying to acted like a very wooed-Kurt. The crowd roared with excitement as Darren, or Blaine, pulled away from his lips.

Chris honestly didn't remember the rest of the skit; he assumed that the rest of it went well considering the crowd was going insane. The second he realized that the scene was over he bolted off stage and into the dressing room. He didn't know what this meant, no, yes he did. He had always known.

He knew that that wasn't Blaine kissing Kurt. He knew that Darren was kissing him. All Darren. It really wasn't that surprising; he knew that Darren had feelings for him. Darren had never spelled it out but he was constantly flirting and going way, _way_, out of his way for Chris. He would instantly glaze over the second Chris walked in to the room. The thing was Chris was at a loss of what to do. See, he had a boyfriend. Did he love him? No, no, he didn't, but he knew Max loved him. Chris kept telling himself that he was doing the right thing. Staying with Max would be better for everyone. Except, that is for Darren.

"Hey Chris! Were you sup-"

"Darren stop. I have to go back on for Single Ladies in five and I need to get into that damn leotard. We'll talk later." Chris muttered as he pushed pass Darren to get to his closet.

"Come on Chris, weren't you a little surprised?" Darren was jumpy, another reason Chris just knew Darren had feelings for him, whenever he got within ten feet of him he got all jumpy and almost annoyingly happy.

"A little yeah. Look Dare, we'll talk later. I have to get into this thing." Chris accent the last part of his sentence by waving the thing around like a flag.

"O-Okay Chris. S-see ya soon." Yes, then there was the stuttering.

Chris wiped his forehead with a towel someone along the line had handed him. He was exhausted from Single Ladies; he wanted to just go back to his Hotel and sleep, though he knew that wasn't an option. He still had the rest of the show to do.

"Chris?" Chris turned around at the sound of the familiar voice.

"Max?" Chris smiled in seeing his boyfriend behind him, "What are you doing here?" he asked as he wrapped his arms around him, kissing him lightly.

"Just came to see you on your last night on tour. Surprised?"

"Yes!" Chris giggled a little, letting go of his boyfriend.

"Yeah so was I…"

Chris sighed, he knew that this was gonna come up eventually, he just hoped it wouldn't be this soon.

"W-what about?"

"You know. The kiss. You should have told me that some other guys lips were going to be all over yours…" Chris sighed, max was semi-right. He'd be a little pissed if he were in Max's shoes.

"Look I didn't know. It was just a surprise for the fans. I guess he didn't tell me cause he wanted it to be a surprise for everybody," he giggled nervously, honestly hoping his boyfriend hadn't picked up on anything.

"You sure? It seemed like a lot more than a stage kiss…"

"It was Max, I swear. Darren and I are just friends." Chris pulled max into a small hug, catching Darren in the corner of his eye, looking rather upset over in the corner. How long had he been there? How much had he heard?

"It just seems like you two have a lot off-"

"We're just friends Max. I promise. I'm all yours." He tried to whisper the last part so that Darren wouldn't hear it, but somehow he knew he had.

"Okay," Max smiled and pressed a kiss to Chris' lips, Chris fought the urge to push back but he didn't want to upset Max, but he really didn't want to upset Darren. Darren was his best friend, seeing him upset hurt more than he could explain, "So we okay?"

"We're fine Max." Chris smacked max on the arm playfully.

"So do you think you could come back to my hotel room and you know… celebrate tonight?" Chris' eyes widened significantly.

"Y-you mean…"

"Yes Chris I mean sex." Max whispered bluntly. Chris again fought the urge to push Max away, he wasn't quite sure how much Darren was hearing of this.

Chris had no clue how to respond. There really wasn't anything stopping him from sleeping with Max. They had been dating for a while. That didn't make the choice any easier. Chris was still a virgin, he wanted his first time to be special and with someone he really loved. Someone he could imagine spending his life with. He couldn't with Max. He wanted to, but he couldn't. He did really care for max though; he didn't want to hurt his feelings by rejecting him.

_Maybe if I do this I'll start having deeper feelings for him…_ Chris thought, his logic flawed but it was all he had at the moment.

Chris sighed softly before finally snapping back into reality, "Sure, I'll come by as soon as we're done here…" Chris looked over at the clock and realized he had to get dressed for Born This Way soon, "I have to go get dressed, I'll see you later." He kissed his cheek quickly, not giving him a chance to say the "L" word. The word Chris desperately didn't want to deal with at the moment.

Chris honestly didn't remember most of the show. He remembered finding himself in his dressing room, sprawled out on the couch, staring up at the ceiling.

_Today is not my day. _Chris thought, quite flustered._ I just want five minutes. Five minutes to just lay here and think of noth-_

"Chris?"

_I hate my life._

"Doors open Darren." Chris muttered, not moving, eyes still glued on the ceiling.

"You okay?" Darren asked as he opened the door and then shut it behind him. Chris nodded his head for a second before turning the nod into a shake of his head.

"Not really, long day… and I wanted to talk to you about the kiss." Chris took a deep breath and stood up to look at Darren straight on.

"Why didn't you tell me you were going to kiss me?" he asked his voice strained and uncomfortable.

"I wanted it to be a surprise… mainly for the fans." Darren added the last part after a small awkward pause. Chris sighed, he knew Darren was lying. Well, in a way he was sure Darren did want to make the fans go crazy on the last date of the tour. Then again, Chris knew that ninety percent of the kiss was all Darren wanting to kiss Chris.

"Don't pull that bullshit on me, Darren. I know what's going on here. I just didn't want to ruin our friendship, and I hope it won't." Darren looked suddenly horrified, like his biggest secret was out, in a way Chris guessed it was.

"W-what are you talking about, Chris?" Darren looked away from Chris, staring at the blue carpeted floor.

"You know what I'm talking about Darren. The way you feel about me. The way we bout know you feel about me but you won't admit it." Darren kept staring down at the floor; Chris couldn't read his expressions at the moment, which was unusual. Usually Chris could take one look at Darren and tell exactly what he was thinking. Not now though.

"How do you feel about me?" Darren asked after a long silence.

"Darren I have a boyfriend." Chris pointed out, not planning on mention he was about to lose his virginity to said boyfriend.

"So?" Darren finally looked up, "Forget him! This is us Chris! We're perfect for each other Chris."

Darren was right; Chris and Darren were perfect together. They had so many similar interests, they had the same food taste, sense of humor and they almost always got along. Chris knew this, but he also knew that if he and Darren started dating and something went wrong, he'd never be able to forgive himself if he lost his best friend in the whole entire world.

"I can't just forget him Darren. He's my boyfriend…"

"You don't love him Chris!" Darren yelled back, hands flying up in the air as if to prove a point.

"That doesn't matter Darren!" Chris screamed back, "I'm not breaking up with him. I'm sorry Darren, we can only be friends. Nothing else," Chris felt all his emotions building up at that one moment, "You don't think I see the fucking flirty looks you give me Darren?" Chris screamed at the top of his lungs, "I do! I'm sorry you feel this way about me but I have a boyfriend! It wouldn't be fair to him to break up with him for you!"

Darren stood speechless for a second, he looked as if someone had opened up his chest and tore out his ever-beating heart. He had tears pouting down his face, Chris felt horrible for causing that, but he didn't know what else to do. He had Max; he couldn't break up with him if he wasn't sure about his feelings towards Darren. The feelings that confused him more than anything else.

"I-I just… I don't want you to do anything with Max that you're not ready to Chris. I love you, you don't have to say it back but I do. I love you and I don't want you to get hurt. I also don't want you to do something with someone if you aren't ready."

Chris looked down and sighed, "How did you know?"

"I overheard you talking to him about it. I just- I really don't want you to do this with him."

Chris looked up again, "It's not your choice Darren, it's mine."

"I know it's your choice Chris. I also know that you don't want to do this with him. I know you Chris. You want your first time to be special, with somebody you love. And you don't love Max."

Chris squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, "I'm sorry I yelled at you Dare, you're right I don't. I want my first time to be magical and with somebody I love… and you're right I don't love Max." He sat down on the couch again, followed by Darren. "Darren I don't want to ruin our friendship, and I don't know what I'm feeling towards Max… or you, I-I just don't know."

Darren put his hand on Chris' knee comfortingly, "It's okay, take as much time as you need, I really want you to be happy Chris, but to be brutally honest? I really want you to be happy with me." Chris nodded a little, "I know Darren, and maybe I will be able to one day, maybe I just… I have to sort something's out." Darren had tears falling from his hazel eyes, yet he kept a smile on his face. Chris knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to be supportive, because he loved him.

"Seriously Chris, no matter who you choose… I'll support you…. But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop loving you." Chris sniffled, not realizing that he himself had tears falling down his face.

"That's really sweet Darren…b-"

"But what Chris… I knew there'd be a but. There's always a big but. A big stupid but that makes ruins everything for everyone." Chris looked at Darren for a second, waiting for him to realize what he had said. The second Darren realized what he had said they both cracked up into a frenzy of uncontrollable laughter. Chris' head had fallen into Darren's laugh in the midst of their laughing.

"N-nice word choice Dare!" Chris joked through his giggles.

"Oh shut up! I didn't mean it that way… I said b-u-t not b-u-t-t you asshole!" Darren pressed Chris' head off his lap and socked his arm playfully.

"Oww!" Chris whined, rubbing his arm with his hand, "That actually hurt you jerk."

"Awww poor baby." Darren playfully soothed, both cracking up again the second he had stop laughing. Chris playfully shoved Darren to the far side of the couch, bringing his feet up to kick at his legs, though he couldn't kick him hard if he had tried, he was laughing too hard, as was Darren.

"Stop iiiitttt…" Darren stood up, trying to get away from Chris' playful kicks.

"You started it!" Chris laughed back, his stomach starting to hurt from all the laughing. He stood up and walked over to Darren so that he was standing in front of him, staring down at him. The two were quiet for a minute; they both had forgotten that they'd been in the worse fight with each other that they'd ever had. It was nice for both of them to just be _together_. Just be able to goof off and be themselves. Chris felt that the only time he was completely himself was when he was with Darren. He didn't want to lose that. Especially not to Max.

Chris found himself staring down into Darren's eyes; he hadn't realized how close they'd gotten until just now, because their noses were just barely touching each other. Chris didn't understand his feelings at all anymore. All he knew was that the way he looked at Darren, was the way he was supposed to look at Max. The way he felt about Darren, was the way he was supposed to look at Max. Yet he had all these feelings he couldn't get a grasp on. He looked into Darren's eyes and he saw _something. _Something that he didn't see in Max' eyes. It wasn't something he could put an exact name on. It was on the verge of want and need, grazing on the verge of lust and love and dancing on the verge of nothing and everything.

He knew was almost sure Darren could feel his heart beating, when had their chests pressed together? All Chris knew was that Darren's hand was fluttering next to his cheek and his head was tilted to the side just barely.

"Just say no if you want me to stop." Darren whispered as he leaned in, closer and closer to Chris' lips. It felt like years before he had actually managed to press his lips to Chris'. Chris knew it was wrong, what he was doing with Darren, but it was _Darren, _his best friend Darren, Darren the incredibly adorable dork, Darren the Disney-loving weirdo and the Darren that was probably the hottest person Chris knew. He was always his. There had always been something between them. Something that Chris was too scared to pick up on. He finally knew now, for the first time, that he loved Darren. Not Max. Darren.

Darren's lips continued to press to Chris' in a short, sweet motion. His kisses weren't like Blaine's. Blaine's kisses were more controlled and, for lack of a better word, altogether dapper. Darren's kiss was passionate; it caused every single hair in his body to stand up. Darren still had his hand pressed to Chris' cheek lightly; he moved his spare hand to the small of Chris' back. Chris moved his arms up to wrap around Darren's neck, he pressed himself deeper into the kiss. He couldn't help but to moan as Darren's tongue found its way into Chris' mouth, clashing into his. Darren pressed back onto Chris so that he was falling back to his couch. Chris fell down onto it, Darren toppling down onto him. They were still kissing heavily; Chris didn't know what to do. He in no way shape or form wanted to pull back from the kisses. He wanted to stay here with Darren and allow him to kiss him over and over and over again. He wanted to stay with Darren. Darren who was currently sliding his hands under Chris' shirt, his tongue still doing unspeakable things to Chris' mouth. Chris moaned into the kiss, Darren broke it slowly, placing his mouth to Chris' neck. Chris moaned as Darren sucked at the skin of his neck, he took a handful of Darren's hair and pulled at it. Darren moaned at this, biting down at the skin on Chris' neck. Chris moaned again, realizing that this was going to leave a mark.

Darren had begun to press kisses over where he had bit down, Chris closed his eyes as he moved his hips so that he could find some kind of friction with Darren, he knew that Darren had to know what he was doing to him. He had to be aware of the erection growing in Chris' pants. He had too. Chris wanted more from Darren. He wanted everything from Darren. He wanted this with Darren, not anybody else, not Max… Max. Chris still had a boyfriend.

"Darren stop." Chris breathed, struggling to sit up.

"What?" Darren asked, equally out of breath.

"I can't do this. Not now… not while I'm still with Max." Chris took a second to let everything sink in. He had cheated. He had cheated on Max, "I cheated on him." he finally vocalized. Not wanting to believe it. He had never thought that he would cheat on anybody. He had been cheated on before, granted it was a long time ago and he had absolutely no feelings for the guy he had dated at the time, but it still hurt.

"Chris… I'm so sorry… we shouldn't have… you told me that this wasn't going to happen and it did. I-I'm sorry."

Chris shook his head, "No Darren, it's my fault. You told me to tell you to stop if I didn't want this… and I didn't say anything."

"Why didn't you say anything Chris?" Darren asked after a while of an awkward silence.

"Because… because I think I'm falling in love with you." Chris didn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. He couldn't believe that he may actually be falling in love with Darren. He had a boyfriend, he felt horrible for the whole thing.

"You… you are?" Darren asked, his voice more scared than anything else.

"I-I don't know, maybe… I don't know, look, Dare, we need to pretend this never happened. We can _never _tell anybody else about this, okay?" Chris said as he stood up. He walked over to the other side of the room to grab his jacket and started to make his way to the door, "We can't _do _anything else till I break up with Max."

"So you are? You'll break up with him?"

"He'll probably break up with me… I cheated on him Darren… I-I did something horrible that I never should have done. I'm sorry but-but this never happened." Chris opened the door and ran out quickly before Darren could say anything else. He couldn't believe what was going on right now. It couldn't be real; he didn't think he'd ever do something like this to Max, but he had.

_Am I a bad person?_ Chris thought as he walked outside, ready to face the fans that were awaiting the cast outside, _I don't know… I sure fell like one right now. _

Darren fell back onto his bed, back at his hotel. His head spun at a pace that he couldn't stand. The day had gone by too fast and too confusing. It all started when he decided to kiss Chris in front of everyone. He didn't know exactly why he had, but he knew one thing. That the kiss was him being Blaine, it was him being Darren. Darren wanting to kiss Chris. His best friend, Chris. The same Chris that he had been in love with for far too long. Was it really as obvious as Chris had made it out to be? Darren had tried to hide his feelings but it wasn't easy. He really loved Chris, everything about him. It kind of scared Darren. He had never had feelings like this for another guy before. It's not like he was afraid of the idea, he believed that you fell in love with the person, not the gender. So when It had slowly dawned on him that he was in love with Chris, he was a little scared. He didn't know how to go about it, especially since Chris had a boyfriend.

That was the other thing, Chris had a boyfriend. Darren had made Chris a cheater, he knew that Chris had a boyfriend but kissed him anyway. He let his feelings take over and went for it. He couldn't get Chris' face out if his head when he had left, he looked as if he had been kicked in the stomach. It didn't feel right. Chris was an amazing person. Darren was sure he would have never done this on any other circumstances.

"Darren?" a muffled voice called from behind the door. Darren knew it was Chris, he just didn't know why he didn't bother to knock. He got up off of his bed and opened the door.

"Hey, Chris… come on in."

"Thanks." Chris muttered, his voice sounded tired and lower than normal. Darren knew that there had to be something on his mind.

"Are you okay?"

"We need to talk."

Darren's heart skipped a few beats, he knew it. This was it. Chris was about to tell him whether he had broken up with Max or not. He clenched his fists together and took a deep breath.

"What?"

"I told Max, I told him everything."

"What did he say?"

Chris took a deep breath and sighed. He looked like he had been crying recently.

"He cried. He told me like he felt as if I ruined him. He was really surprised, he didn't think that I, of all people, would cheat. I didn't think so either."

Darren managed to smile a little, "At least it's over Chris… We can be together now, right?"

A tear fell from Chris' glasz eye as he shook his head, "I'm sorry Darren, but we can't. I-I don't, I didn't think I'd ever do something like that to anyone, but I did. I feel as if I don't know who I really am. I need time, time away from you in particular."

Darren felt like he was going to pass out. He couldn't bring himself to believe what Chris was telling him.

"W-What are you telling me Chris?"

"I-I'm saying there can't be an us, until I figure out who I am…"

"Chris please don't do this, if you need time to figure yourself out let me help you!"

"I'm sorry Darren. I-I can't do this, okay? I just came by to tell you about me and Max." Chris turned away from Darren and started out the door. Before he closed it he turned his head back to Darren, his face had tears falling faster than Darren had ever seen any of Chris' tears when he was Kurt fall.

"And Darren?"

"What?" Darren whispered sadly.

"I love you." Chris shut the door and disappeared. Darren fell down where he was standing and hugged his knee's to his chest.

"I love you too, Chris."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I**** don't own any of these characters...**

**But seriously... Owning Darren... I mean... Damn. **

* * *

_"Max, can I come in?" Chris asked from outside Max's door. He didn't bother to knock. He knew Max would be able to hear him. _

_"Yeah! Sure come on in, Babe." Max opened the door and took both of Chris' hands to pull him in. He pressed a kiss to Chris' lips but Chis pulled away. He couldn't let this happen, not after what he had done._

_"Are you okay Chris?" _

_Chris took a deep breath and shook his head, "Max you better sit down. I have to tell you something."_

_ Max cocked his head to the side slightly but still walked back to the bed and sat down. _

_"What is it?" _

_"I-I need to tell you something… but before I do I just want to say that I'm so, so, so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. It was… I don't know what it was. I just felt something and-"_

_"Chris I have no idea what you're saying… maybe you should just spit it out."_

_Chris nodded and looked away to the side for a second, trying to bring up the courage to do this. _

_"Max… Darren kissed me, and not just today on stage, back in my dressing room. He came by and we talked and we got into a really big fight but something happened, I don't' even know, we just kissed."_

_ Max looked confused, like someone had punched him in the gut. He shook his head, "Chris… you didn't kiss him back did you? I mean if he just kissed you then you didn't…" his voice trailed off, Chris could tell that he was hurt beyond words, and also that he didn't want to believe this. He didn't want tot believe the person that he was in love with would do this. Chris didn't want to believe that he would do this. He had never, ever, in a million years put himself in this position. _

_ "I did… it turned into more than just a little kiss… it wasn't just a small peck. I'm so sorry Max… I feel so horrible about this." Chris saw that Max had tears coming from his eyes, Chris felt his heart break, no he didn't love Max but he was still a friend. He was someone he cared about. You don't just date someone for this long and not feel anything. _

_"I knew it… I knew there was something going on with you two! How long has this been going on Chris?" Max was yelling now. Chris didn't blame him; he'd do the same if he were in his position. _

_"It was only the one time Max, I swear! I don't even know what- how it happened."_

_"As if!" Max yelled, running his hand through his hair and getting up from his bed, "I know how these things work, Chris. They don't just happen once, and even if it just does happen once it's sure not just ki-"_

_ Chris shook his head, he couldn't even think of that, "I swear we didn't sleep together! It was just kissing. I swear! I'm sorry, Max!" _

_"I can't believe you'd do this Chris, it feels like my life is over right now. I can't believe you of all people would be responsible for that… I-I can't even look at you right now…"_

_Chris fought the urge to cry, but he couldn't, not in front of Max. Max was the one with the right to cry. _

_"I can't believe it either, I messed up Max. I messed up and I fell in love with Darren while I was st-"_

_"Love?" his voice cracked a little as he choked out the simple, four letter, word, "You love him?"_

_Chris nodded; he couldn't bring himself to say it out loud to Max again. He could barely bring himself to admit it to himself. Of all people to be in love with he couldn't believe he was in love with Darren. _

_ "Please, Chris, get out… I can't deal with all of this right now. I-I want to be alone… please."_

_Chris reached out to put his hand on max's shoulder but he pulled away, "Max…"_

_"Please, Chris! Just leave!" Max looked as if he were on the verge of more tears, Chris couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that he could cause that much pain on him. _

_ "I'm sorry Max… Please believe that I'm sorry…" Max didn't say anything; he turned to the side and looked away from Chris. Chris wanted to hug him and tell him that it'd be okay and that if he didn't hate him that they could just be friends, but he knew that was the last thing he needed right now. He managed to go to the door and open it before whispering another 'I'm so sorry' and shutting the door. Shutting the door on his now ex-boyfriend. The person who's heart he had just broken. _

"No…no…" Chris whispered as he woke up, it was a dream. Right? In a second he'd get a call from Max, his boyfriend, asking him out on a date. He'd say yes, call Darren and talk about random things like the best friends they were. No, Chris knew none of this would happen. He was all too aware that the _dream_ he had wasn't just a dream. It was a flashback of the last time he'd seen Max. He wished it just a bad dream. He didn't want to think of what he had done to Max.

He reached over to his side table and grabbed his blackberry. 12 messages. He didn't even have to check who they were from. He knew they were all from Darren. They hadn't talked sense that night in the hotel room, in Dublin. That was a few days ago, they had sense came back to LA. In a few days he'd start filming Struck By Lightning and then in a few weeks he'd be back to filming Glee. Season three. He didn't know that much but he knew that Blaine was coming to McKinley to be with Kurt. That meant he'd have to spend even more time being Darren's on-screen boyfriend. Holding his hand, sharing adorable looks, hugging him… kissing him. Especially kissing him, that'd be that hardest. He wanted to and didn't want to kiss Darren at the same time.

On one hand he wanted to because when he had kissed Darren as himself, not as Kurt, just as himself, he had felt something and everything. He felt as if fireworks were going off, ever hair on his body stood up like a there was a static in the room. His body had ached for more, anything, he had just wanted Darren in every way. In the moment where their lips collided he didn't just want him in a physical way, even though he really had, he wanted everything with him. For once he had someone to imagine a life with; he couldn't have with any previous boyfriends. Though with Darren, there was just _something _there.

Then on the other hand he didn't. He didn't want to because he felt guilty. He had cheated on Max with Darren, and as much as he wanted to kiss him there was another side telling him not too. Telling him he'd regret it. Telling him he was doing the wrong thing. He felt as if kissing Darren would just be wrong, they were friends, he didn't want something to happen and for their friendship to be even more screwed up. He knew that it was already pretty bad though, he had told Darren he loved him.

He shook his head, realizing that he couldn't stay in bed all day. He had to at least attempt to do some writing, or something, something other than cry. That was the other thing, crying. Chris never cried. Kurt cried all the time, but not Chris. Though now, in this whole situation with Darren, he did, he cried because this whole, entire situation was messed up. He hated it. He hated himself.

One of the many things about Christopher Paul Colfer that no one knew was that Chris was pretty insecure. It wasn't just one thing about himself that he didn't like, it was many things. He thought his voice was too high, he was too pale, and at times he was uncomfortable about his sexuality. Of course he would never let up on to these things to anyone, but they were there. He knew that he had many fans that loved him and a huge group of friends and family that loved him and would try to make him feel better about himself if they found out about his insecurities. The thing was he didn't want them to find out. He guessed that it was just easier for him to keep it all bottled up was easier than admitting that he was insecure about himself.

In fact the only time he didn't feel insecure about himself at all was when he was with Darren. When he was with him he felt whole, he felt like Darren was the only person who truly understood him. The only one who truly loved him for everything he was. He wanted so much to fall into his arms and for everything to be okay. He couldn't get the image of Darren's face when he had left his hotel room that one dreaded night in Dublin.

Chris was soon pulled out of his daze as his blackberry buzzed again. He knew who it was. Who it had been all along, Darren. He opened the messages to read them, almost dreading what he would have to read.

_Hey- D_

_Chris, please we have to talk about this-D_

_Chris I know you're confused right now but PLEASE talk to me-D_

_Chris, please, even if you can't make this work at least still treat me like a friend-D_

_Please, Chris, please… I need to talk to you-D_

_We can't keep ignoring this… us… please… Chris, just talk to me-D_

_Fine, don't talk. Just let me. I love you Chris. Okay? I love you and that's all that matters. We're in love! Can't we at least TRY to make this… us… work?-D_

_You're the most important person in my life. I can't live without you. Please just listen when I say that I can't stand the fact that you're so hurt… the fact that I may have caused some of that hurt makes me feel even worse-D_

_Please… Chris… I need you to just respond… Please…-D_

_I'm sorry. You need space and I'm not giving it to you… I just… I need you in my life. –D_

_I love you Chris. Please, never forget how much I love you. –D_

Chris read over the texts over and over again. It slowly dawned on him just how much Darren loved him. He didn't just have a crush on him… He loved him. He truly loved him. He was head over heels in love with him. Chris took a deep breath, it was hard to process this all. The only thing he knew was that he needed to see Darren. Right now, he didn't even care what he looked like at the moment. He needed to see the love of his life.

Darren shook his head as he strummed a few chords on his guitar, he didn't get it; he never had problems writing a song before. Now he had drawn a compete blank. He could usually knock out a song in a few hours, though right now he couldn't write a damn thing. Every time he wrote a lyric he thought of Chris. He played a note, thought of Chris. Everything he did he could find Chris in. Darren's first instinct was to grab his phone and call Chris. That's what he did when he couldn't write anything, he'd call Chris. Then after a conversation with his beautiful, blue-eyed best friend he'd be able to knock out a song in no time. He wished he had never taken those conversations for granted.

It was hell not being able to talk to Chris. The only thing close he had to Chris in the last few days was the many texts he had sent him. He knew that Chris was probably ignoring him altogether, and he didn't blame him.

"Damn I wish you'd just talk to me, Chris…" Darren muttered out loud while staring at the messages he had sent, the last one stuck in his head, '_I love you Chris. Please, never forget how much I love you' _it read. It was true, he loved Chris. He loved Chris more than he'd ever loved anyone, which scared him. He'd never really been in love with a boy before. He wasn't against the idea, it'd just never happened. So the day Chris had held out his right hand, smiled that incredibly, beautifully, huge smile and said, "Hey! I'm Chris! It's very nice to meet you Darren." He had fallen hard.

_Hey! I'm Chris! It's very nice to meet you Darren._ Yeah, like Darren didn't know. It was Chris Fucking Colfer! Of _course_ he knew who he was. He was, in Darren's personal opinion, by far the most talented member of the Glee cast, and he had just _sat _there_. _He sat there and pretended that he wasn't the most amazing human being to walk the face of the earth. He pretended that he wasn't flawless in every way Darren could think of, he pretended not to be famous and talented and he was just _Chris. _Just some silly guy from Clovis, California that liked Harry Potter just as much as Darren. But he wasn't _just some guy. _He was Chris Colfer.

The whole entire dinner Darren had to tell himself not to get lost in the other man's glossy blue-green eyes. He was serious; every time he'd looked into them he had felt his heart jump. Literately jump, he swore to this day that if he stared into Chris' eyes for more than a few seconds his heart would start having heart palpitations. They were like little pools of heaven. Darren, at that moment when he was looking into Chris' glasz eyes, he had had a feeling of almost fear was over him.

It wasn't really fear as much as it was panic. Panic that he might be falling for another guy, it's not that he was against the idea, as previously mentioned, it had just never happened. He'd always fell for girls, but never this hard. Within knowing Chris for the short amount of time he had that night he felt everything with him, like that there may be something there. Then those five dreaded words slipped from Chris' lips in the middle of their conversation.

_"Oh, sorry that's my boyfriend." He had said, pulling his phone out to answer it, "I'll take this out there, excuse me." Darren smiled and nodded as Chris got up to take the call. He felt like slamming his head into his steak and mashed potatoes. He couldn't believe any of this. _

_"I can't be falling for him…" he thought over and over, "I can't… he's a guy, I-I'm straight…" he lied to himself. He knew that the feelings he had just had for Chris in the last, what thirty minutes? He knew that those weren't feelings a straight guy had for another guy, they couldn't' be, because Darren had never wanted to kiss somebody more in his life. He may have entertained the idea if Chris hadn't gotten that call from his boyfriend. _

_ "Hey, sorry he was just checking up on me." Chris said with a smile as he sat down back into his seat, "He's sweet like that." _

_Darren laughed, Chris was happy with his boyfriend, he could tell. There was no chance he'd leave his boyfriend for someone he'd known for thirty minutes. There was no way, and did Darren really want him too? Maybe this was just a silly crush; he'd be over him in a week, tops. _

_ "What's his name?"_

_"Max." Chris said after finishing off his fifth Diet Coke. Darren was afraid he may drown in the stuff. _

_"How long have you two been dating?"_

_"A few weeks," a blush crossed over Chris' cheeks as he shrugged, "We're not that serious, it's just fun… So do you have a girlfriend, Darren?"_

_'No but I want a boyfriend' he thought, not daring to really say it, even if it was true. It was really true, but he didn't want just any boyfriend, he wanted Chris. Not that it mattered, it was impossible. _

_"Nope, I'm single…" he said with a little too much pain in his voice then he intended. It's not that he needed a significant other, but it'd be nice._

_ "Hey," Chris leaned in a little and said with a smile; that smile. That damn smile, it was as if it were telling him his whole world would be okay. His smile brightened up the whole entire restaurant. Hell, at this point that smiled lit up Darren's whole life. _

_"You'll find some great girl one day; she'll be head over heels in love with you, okay? Don't give up hope on love." _

_ Darren was speechless. He didn't know how to respond, that little speech Chris had just given him was probably the most beautiful thing he's ever heard. Even if the logic was way off, 'You'll find some great girl' Darren didn't want 'some great girl' he wanted Chris. He didn't know why, but he did. Was it possible to fall in love with someone within thirty minutes? Was he in love with Chris? He couldn't be, he barely knew him… then why was the only thing on his mind leaning in and kissing him? Why couldn't he get the image of Chris' lips on his out of his mind?_

_ "Thanks Chris, that's sweet." He managed to say, now fully aware that Chris had placed his hand on top of Darren's, only for mere seconds though. Still, it gave him chills. He wanted to just grab onto Chris' hand and hold it. He had to keep reminding himself that Chris had a boyfriend. That this, whatever Darren wanted this to be, was impossible._

_ "Meh," Chris muttered as he straightened back up and took a bite of his chicken, "Don't mention it." Why was he so humble? The whole time they were there he had barely spoken about work, they wanted to get to know each other, not dwell on work. Chris had joked that they'd be talking work for the foreseeable future, tonight he wanted to just get to know Darren. _

_ Get to know Darren. He didn't know what 'getting to know' meant. He did in most cases, but the way Chris said it is what got to him. Darren was sure that Chris wasn't aware that everything that came out of his mouth sounded so damn beautiful. Like he was flirting with him, but he had to tell himself once again that no, he wasn't. _

Darren had given up his guitar and slouched back on his couch. What was the point in writing music when all he could think of was Chris? There was no point. If he was going to think of the lovely ocean-eyed man he was going to do it without having to worry about work. At this point, his whole entire heart and mind was dedicating to moping over the fact that Chris wasn't his, and even worse, that Chris wasn't happy. He'd dealt with Chris not being his for the last year because he was at least happy. Now, he knew Chris wasn't happy, and he blamed himself for that. If he would have just kept his lips to himself they wouldn't be in this damned position.

A knock soon came to the door and batted Darren out of his depressed haze. He slowly got off the couch and shrugged over to the door. He knew who he wanted it to be, and he knew who he didn't want it to be. Coincidentally, these two people happened to be the exact same person. He took a deep breath and opened the door, not wanting it to be anyone really. Except Chris, but not Chris at all.

"Hi, Dare." It was Chris. Of course it was Chris.

"C-Chris… what are you doing here?"

"We need to talk. Can I come in?" Chris explained, his head tilting to the side to avoid eye contact with the hazel-eyed man. Darren could tell that he was hurting, and he blamed himself for this.

"Come on in, make yourself at home." Chris smiled what was probably the furthest thing from a smile ever that Darren had ever seen, especially coming from Chris. The smile Chris had on his face at the moment was very, very slight. His lips were just barely curled up, yet it was a smile. Somehow, the smile that Chris was currently sporting showed more pain than it did happiness.

Chris walked into Darren's cozy apartment and made his way to the couch just like he had done for what felt like a million times in the past. Except in the past, Chris would walk in, go to the kitchen, complain at the lack of good food in Darren's refrigerator, grab himself a Diet Coke and Darren an apple juice, plop down on Darren's couch and grab the remote. It was comfortable, what they once had, maybe too comfortable. Too comfortable for Darren at least, too comfortable in the sense that Chris had, in a way, acted as if he were his boyfriend.

"Chris, what do we need to talk about?" Darren asked as he carefully sat as far away as possible on the couch from Chris. Chris looked over to Darren, his glasz eyes piercing his very soul. A slight, emotionless, smirk taking over the sad smile that had just been there moment ago.

"Do I really need to tell you, Dare?" his voice was much, much lower than normal, a tell-tale sign that he was in distress. He hated hearing him talk like this, so upset and pained.

"No, no I guess not…" his voice trailed off as Chris scooted in closer to him. Chris had placed a hand over Darren's hand and stared into his eyes.

"Darren, I love you. You know that. I told you the other day and just bolted out," Chris took a deep breath, closing his eyes, his long eyelashes fluttering lightly, "So I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize. It was _my _fault… I should have never kissed you in the first place." Darren's heart dropped a bit down inside of him as he said this. He didn't want to believe that this was a mistake; he didn't want to believe that his first kiss with Chris, not Kurt, but Chris was real. Something that they'd look back on and cherish, not remember how it caused them both so much heart ache.

"Don't say that, please, I'm glad you kissed me. I-I, I just wish Max hadn't still been in the picture." Chris took his hand away from Darren's and placed it in his own lap. He looked down and stared at them, wringing them together like he did when he had a lot on his mind. Darren fought the urge to wrap his arms around him and tell him it'd be okay, they'd be okay, but how could he if he didn't know what _they_ were?

"I cheated on Darren, I cheated on Max." Chris looked as if he were about to cry, which to Darren was insane. Chris never cried, never. Of course, Kurt cried in almost every episode, but Chris himself never cried. Not until the other night in Dublin had Darren ever seen Chris cry. It broke his heart completely, especially in knowing that he was the reason the exquisitely, magnificent human being that sat next to him so much pain.

"Chris, we all make mistakes, this doesn't make you a bad person." Darren comforted him, not really know what to do.

"Really, Darren? I'm not a bad person? Then why the hell do I feel like one? I-I broke Max's heart…" Chris buried his face into his hands and shook his head, Darren wasn't sure, but he thought that Chris had finally let loose and let the tears fall.

"Hey," Darren whispered closed to Chris' ear, "You aren't a bad person." he pressed a finger under Chris' chin and pulled his head up so that he could look at him straight on.

"Then why-"

"Because you made a mistake, Chris, and you did it 'cause you love me, right?" Darren didn't know what he was doing; he wasn't used to being able to talk to Chris like this. It felt good, in a confusing kind of way, and then again everything about this was confusing.

Chris just nodded; Darren saw an expression run across his face that he couldn't quite read, all he could tell is it wasn't completely bad.

"I did, I know what I did to Max was horrible, but somehow I don't regret it all the way, maybe because I love you." Chris paused and laughed a little bit before going on, "Even if it did take me a while and it struck me at the worst time possible."

"At least we know now, right?" Darren said, not at all sure where to take this.

Chris smiled and leaned up to press a small kiss to Darren's lips. Darren got chills as Chris kissed him. It was insane how such a chaste kiss could drive Darren so crazy, and with Chris everything drove him crazy. Everything from the way he smiled, to the way he dressed, to the way he walked. Everything about him was just breathtakingly stunning.

"Chris?" Darren whispered as Chris pulled away from his lips, lingering there afterwards.

"Yes, Dare?" Chris asked airily, his voice like an angel's.

"Are you sure this is real?" Chris smiled and pressed his lips back to Darren's, his tongue lightly brushing Darren's front teeth. Chris' hand grasped his neck gently and gave it a tiny squeeze before pulling away, just barely.

"This is real. This is happening. I'm yours." Chris whispered, his eyes sparkling. Darren smiled and leaned back in and pressed another kiss to Chris' lips.

"Good, because I love you, baby."

"I love you too, Dare… now shut up and let me kiss you."

Darren smiled as Chris' lips were soon pressed to his. He laid backwards, his head resting on the couch's arm rest. Chris' body fell with him, lying on top of him, never breaking the passion filled kiss. Darren couldn't help but moan slightly into the kisses, Chris just tasted so amazing on his lips. He wanted Chris to kiss him everywhere, and not that they were together he knew that was a possibility.

Chris' mind spun, in a good way. He liked the feelings he got when kissed Darren like this. He liked the small moans that Darren was making because of him. He didn't just like it, he loved it. He wanted to just stay here forever, just kissing him.

A few minutes into the make out, Chris felt a vibration coming from his pocket. Darren pulled away a little and gave Chris a weird look.

"It's my phone you idiot." Chris grumbled as Darren chuckled.

"I know that."

Chris sat up so that he could answer his phone, leaving Darren with a sad expression.

"It's not like I'm going to be on the phone forever." Chris laughed before looking at the caller id. The second he did his pale face went even paler.

"What's wrong, baby?" Darren asked, sitting up and putting and arm around Chris' waist.

"I-it's Max."


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry for the late update, been busy.

* * *

Max. His name flashed across Chris' screen, along with a picture of Max kissing his cheek, on his blackberry. Chris didn't know how to react. He didn't know if he should pick up or ignore it. He felt inside that he should pick it up, but what would he say?

"Are you gonna answer?" Darren asked, his grip tightening around Chris.

"I-I, I don't know… Should I?" Chris asked, looking deep into his boyfriend's eyes. Darren didn't answer; he just kept staring into Chris' eyes, obviously confused.

"I should…" Chris muttered as he got off of the couch, walking into Darren's kitchen.

Chris took a deep breath and pressed the call button, putting the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" he asked, trying to keep his voice at a normal level instead of it going high.

"Chris? It's Max… We should talk." Max sounded upset, of course he did, and Chris blamed himself fully for this.

"We do? What about?"

"Us." Max answered simply.

Us. Chris didn't think there was an _'us' _to talk about. They broke up and now Chris was with Darren.

"What about us, Max?" He asked, and much to his dismay, his voice was going higher and higher the more nervous he got.

"Chris, are you sure there's no chance for us?"

Chris was surprised. He didn't think max wanted them to have a chance, considering what he did to him. Did he love him that much?

"You're great, Max, but… I'm with Darren. I'm sorry about what I did to you, but it wouldn't be fair to you if we got back together. You deserve a guy that loves you as much as I love Darren."

Max was quiet for a while, he seemed like he was deep in thought. Chris didn't know what to say. Had he gone too far? He didn't want to seem insensitive, but he knew Max deserved someone who loved him. Max really was a great guy, Chris had wanted so much to love him when they were together, and even if he didn't realize it at the time, Darren was always in the way.

"Y-you're right Chris… You are. I just, I miss you." Max whispered; his voice dropped lower and sadder. Chris hated that he caused that.

"I'm sorry, but we can still be friends… whenever you're ready."

"I-I don't know… It's hard, Chris. I'm not going to lie. I still love you." Chris knew that Max still loved him, but it was hard to hear him say it. He felt horrible for him. He didn't know how to respond, he wanted to tell Max that everything would be okay, but he honestly didn't know if it would.

"I'm sorry… I really am, just, I don't want to lose you as a friend. Believe it or not Max I do care about you, and I never meant to hurt you."

"I know, Chris, I know. I just wished you were still with me." Chris sighed silently, he felt guilty for all of this. He wanted to make it up to Max, he just didn't know how.

Darren sat on his couch and stared in the direction that Chris had walked, what did Max want? Darren had no idea. He just hoped that Chris wasn't thinking of going back to him. He wanted to think that Chris was his and only his, but it was hard when it was obvious Chris still cared for Max. Of course it was only as a friend, but Darren had seemed to have over exaggerated that. It felt as if, to him at least, that Chris might leave him and go back to Max.

Chris walked back in and sat next to Darren, his face somber and confused. Darren looked over to him and reached to take his hand.

"What did Max want?" He asked cautiously, extremely scared of the answer.

"He wanted to see if we still had a chance… me and him that is. He- he still loves me, Darren." Chris looked over to Darren, his eyes flooding with grief. "I don't know what to do. He sounded so upset… and it's my fault."

"Chris, baby, come here." Darren held his arms out for Chris to cuddle into. He held onto Chris tightly, trying to comfort his distraught boyfriend. "You can't help it if Max still loves you,"

"I just feel guilty." Chris cut him off, his voice just above a whisper. He sounded tired, as if the talk with Max completely drained him.

"Chris, sweetie, listen to me," Darren took a deep breath before going on, "if you think you'll be happier with Max then-"

"No!" Chris almost screamed, "No, Dare, I want to be with you. Just because I feel guilty about how this started doesn't mean I'm upset it did." Chris leaned in to press a kiss to Darren's lips lightly. Darren shivered slightly; he still wasn't used to that, how good it felt to be kissed by Chris.

"So you're happy being with me?" Darren asked cautiously, needing to hear Chris just say it one more time.

"Baby, I love you so much. You're the love of my life and I couldn't imagine my life without you in it. So yes, I'm happy with you, and I will be forever."

A smile spread across Darren's lips as he pressed his lips back to Chris'. Chris was happy with him. He never imagined that to be the case. He always assumed that he'd live out his days, afraid to admit that he was in love with Chris Colfer, but he was, and he didn't want to hide it anymore, especially not from Chris.

"I just can't believe this is real." Darren thought out loud, not even realizing he had said it till Chris gave him a funny, yet cute, look.

"Why not?"

"Because," Darren started slowly, trying to collect all his words together, "because, I always thought you'd never go for me." It was true, Darren never thought that Chris would take an interest in him, and now that he was his, it was hard to comprehend.

"That's insane, Dare." Chris said as he started to rub Darren's back gently, "Why would you think that?"

"Because you're so awesome and I'm just… some bum."

Chris shook his head and wrapped his arms around Darren, "You are not. Darren you are the most amazing guy ever." Chris smiled and kissed Darren's temple lightly, "And you're my boyfriend… so you can't be that bad."

Darren laughed and cuddled into Chris' arms, happy to just be with him.

"You're pretty great, ya know that, right?" Darren asked, pressing a small kiss to Chris' forehead. Chris didn't respond, he blushed lightly and giggled softly.

"I love you, Dare." Chris finally said with a smile, looking up at his boyfriend with his huge blue eyes.

"I love you too." Darren returned, kissing Chris on the lips lightly. They were both glad that they could finally be together.


End file.
